-dreaming-

ah did you all watched "xuan hao jiu jie hun?" aka choose properly den get married, lol, hosted by michelle and quan yifeng. my colleagues and i were talkin bout how romantic the whole plan was.. it reali was, in my pt of view. it was touching and loving and i hope there'll be more happy couples in bliss :) the tears were tears of joy. it was heart-warming watching it as i imagine myself in quan yifeng's position, how wld i be feelin? i love surprises, but a surprise marriage is kinda scary :/ for marriage, i tink it'll be good to make plans & decisions togeda. afterall, thats wad a husband and wife shld b doin ya?

marriage is a commitment, a lifetime decision, a journey taken by 2 parties hu hav committed n promised themselves to go thru thick n thin togeda, to share both happiness and sorrow :)

i've never reali tell you verbally how important you were to me. i dunno if the things i did have ever showed you de love i have for you. but i wan you to noe, i cherish you and de love we both hav. it is still beating like de first day we officially became a couple :) and it always will :)

[hopefully one day wen you decide to read this blog again, you'll noe how my heart feels, how my heart bleeds whenever we have cold war, how my heart cries out loud for you, how my heart beats for your company, and how my heart misses you, my dearest]

i really really wish we'll be able to go for a short trip soon.. *dreaming*

-this week made me feel the importance of good health-

To JS: thanks for the concern. i dunno wad im suppose to do but i'm sorry for the answer i gave you. frens we will be forever. you'll find the right one soon and i'll be reali happy for you:)

-i miss my boy-

the hurt..

Why does it have to hurt inside?
Why do I have to cry each night?
I think I have to walk on by...
Cuz I'm starting to lose my sight...

What is it that changed your mind?
Who is it that keeps you blind?
Why did you change so fast?
Did you really have to leave me behind?

I start to think about all we had
And how it turned this way...
I guess I'll have to leave your side,
And turn my face away...

Although my soul will die...
Although my heart will cry...
I've got nothing else to do,
I'm hurt deep, deep inside

Tho I'll leave your side,
You'll be always on my mind...
My heart and soul will ache for you,
Every day and every night...

You're my never-ending love,
The love that keeps me alive...
You're the one I'll love forever,
Although it hurts very much inside...

the long weekend

Vesak Day was spent.. celebrating my boy's grandaunt birthday! :) the whole fam planned it to be a surprise, telling her tt its only a normal gathering. the early peeps wen as early as 10am! wah.

i left home noon time. made a trip down to Joo Chiat to get the famous Puteri Mas durian puff! recommended by makansutra! so happy wen i found the place last time! hehe. the durian is really yummy! *yum yum*

den headed to my boy's granny place where they had the 'gathering'. thanks for keepin me company Jo! hehe. we gambled like the whole afternoon and even at nite? lol. i lost money lar :( boohoo. it was fun tho..hehe.

dinner was yummy too! (i sound like some yao gui, lol) my boy miss out on all these good food, hee. it was a good gathering cum birthday celebration. his uncles + aunties are all very nice and i feel really happy :) a thought jus came to my mind.. wad if we arent fated to be wif each other and dun end up togeda in future? i'll really miss all his cousins+relatives.. *cries*

ard 8, i left for short while to Joyce's birthday at Cote Dazur :) Happy 21st birthday babe! thanks for accompanying again gal :) reali appreciate it lots. we wen mad taking photos again, hehe. Claire & Candice left early, so din manage to tk any pics wif dem :/





i like this pic! so sweet sweet rite! hehe.. *smiles*


returned back to my boy's granny place after tt and.. played mahjong! lol. cny didnt play so now muz play? lol. my boy's mum came after work and we stayed all the way till 2am? drove to the airport thereafter to pick my boy up. his flight - 3am *yawn* was pretty tired actually :p had late supper as his mum was hungry, b4 we headed home.

thanks for the gifts you bought dear :)

faint, he lost so much weight! *sayang* we woke up on Saturday jus for lunch, den wen back to dreamland! only woke up at 5pm -.-" *shiok*

my boy wanted to hav Crystal Jade for dinner. saw my mum's sms that she's received her present, hehe. ordered flowers + gift set for her for Mother's Day. had them delivered on Sat as Sun was unavailable. den got to noe that they're also heading to PS's Crystal Jade! *faint* so we had dinner togeda in the end, hehe:) wif my granny too :):)

my boy sent granny home while my parents continued patoh-ing :P

Sunday.. din do much except to watch Poseidon @ Suntec. nice! hehe. but the ending quite sad :/ bumped into my parents there too! lol..

At Suntec's Sky Garden:
i tink this pose is so cute! hehe..




@ Sky Garden last yr:


1 year later.. 14/5/06:


i hope there's endless years for us.. *deep in thoughts*

Happy 25th anniversary Mum & Dad!


thats the flowers+gift set i gave my mama, hehe :p

Wishing them loving always! =)

-wish you were right here supporting me-

the blog hopper

i was blog hopping.. Lynette's bloggie entry came as a shock to me. a very near-to-perfect couple decided to become frens. they appeared as a role model to me. a couple hu does hav quarrels but always solve it amicably and u noe the "live happily ever after" sweet sweet couple kinda thing. and wen i read her blog, i felt a lot of emotions myself, as well as for her. her words said so much bout her heart, said so much bout her feelings. and as i read it, i dunno to be happy for her :/ after all, she was de one hu made de decision. and no..they din had a huge fight or whatsoever.. apparently, she's going overseas :(

its been going 3 yrs since i knew her :) she was de one hu intro-ed me the Mediacorp job =) she was also the one hu taught me "dun find love, let love find u".. and.. funnily, we've not met at all! lol. i hope wadever route u choose, success n happiness will be wif u, Lynette :)

den i read Qiwen's blog, and saw photos of her bro - ya him. memories of the past came into me. and fear sets in. no one expected him to be such a person, or at least, i din expect him to do such things. i feel sad and hurt tinkin bout the nasty things he did, bout the sweet little talks he always sae, jus to cover up his lies and actions he did behind my back. i feel de phobia coming back to me.

i hate myself for not bein able to control how i feel. wen such phobia sets in, my boy doesnt like it. ok who in the right mind will like it.. but ah im aldy tryin not to let de past affect me. sigh :/

oh well, not all r/s will turn out bad hur? *self-console* on a happier note, my cousin's gettin married tmr! hehe, so happy for her. .her big big day wor! =) i hav so many cousins gettin married tis month and even nex yr! *smiles* on leave tmr, goin to be the bridesmaid, hehe, so long wkend for me! :) de other time while havin dinner @ Sakae, my boy and i were tokin bout "sabo-ing the bridegroom!". so i asked him, nex time if one of the challenge is to eat lotsa wasabi, den how? u will eat a not? guess wad that silly boy said?

"heh. i wun eat! cos i noe in the end u'll still marry me!" wad the.. -.-"

(my aunt jus msg me to ask wad kind of challenge is good for the bridegroom tmr. so i told her: "make him eat sth he hate!" die la, they are preparing wasabi salad for him now! omg, not my fault ok! hehe)

ever since he wen overseas, every call from him was so precious to me..

her: thanks for callin dear, great to hear ur voice :)
him: my love, its great to hear your voice too.. makes me miss u so much.. makes me reflect and know i wanna marry u.. oh baby, im dreamin of my baby in her wedding dress, with me waiting to unveil and kiss u! love u sugar..

(lol he's been day dreaming too much! lol.. i hope he doesnt miss me only wen we dun see each other for so long..)

my boy is out in the greens :/ haven heard fr him since Tues.. *sob* before he wen outfield, he choose not to bathe so he has time to call me, hehe.

him: baobei, call you before i leave..
her: orh, u free now ah?
him: no la. the rest bathing.. i nvr bathe to cor u lor.. hehe aint i good?
her: *smiles* really ah? hehe.
him: but 4 yrs later i wun cor u le leh..
her: huh.. how come..?
him: hehe cos we'll b married in 4 yrs time! you'll be living wif me le ma!
her: muahah...you ah.. so fast meh? u say one ah!
him: hehe i try lor..

see la, his mouth so sweet rite! lol. hopefully he wun be like the previous one.. sweet talk jus to cover his lies and actions :/

u mite not read tis, but i miss you baby. another 8 more days to go.. *cries* i told you i'll wait for you, and i really really mean it.

there's so many things that can mean so much more than i can tell,
baby, i remember the day i knew you and the day i fell for you.
if there was ever one thing in my life i was certain of,
it would be you - the man i truly love, i love you baby.

the farewell :(

been awhile since i came here to update. been kinda busy on hand recently.

what has been happening (in random order):

-my boy couldnt book out the wkend b4 he wen overseas

-i am moving house

-accompanied my parents to see see, aim aim furniture

-watchin korean shows (only 1 tho. im a slow tortoise, ha)

-enjoying the post-exam period before another hurdle comes along

-in the midst of setting up a biz: Love Your Nails!

-lookin ard for nice dresses to attend my cousin's wedding

-did a hair change (it looks horrible, i tink i hav the tom-boy look now, crap)

-gave myself a break fr work to accompany my boy on Thurs

-had a sumptuous yet saddening dinner @ Sakae with my boy before we parted

-sent my boy to the airport

-tryin to be a good gal by coming home straight after work (been giving a miss to all the cafe chilling!)

-a new bigger bed for us! (so that i dun hav to get pushed one side everytime *grin*)

-the bigger tv from the spare room has been moved to our room! *yay*

-waiting for my boy's call every nite (oh well, but he'll be outfield most of the times) thailand's timing is 1hr slower than Singapore!

-on a sway day, my shoe got stepped by someone in the train and it got stucked in the hole (aiya hard to describe, its jus the one between the floor and the train ar), so the slips of my shoe broke off and i ended up limping to URS buying a new pair of shoe. (money fly away again! sob)

-tryin to accomplish some of my sch assignments (its killing me) another half a yr more to go.. sigh.

-most of my time, as much as i wan to divert my attention, i tink i miss & think of him more. *cries* i cant wait for ur return. i cant wait to be in in ur arms again. i really really miss you.

him: take good care of urself dear.
her: i will. you muz come back hor. u dun come back, den no one wan me liao :/
him: i will definitely come back cos if i dun come back, my girl will be snatched away by other guys!
her: *smiles* im yours. hav a good trip. love u.

the long weekend

yay, exams over!hehe:P at least for now..i've gotta rest a bit :)

i gave myself a break by meeting my boy on Friday, Good Friday, hehe. studied in the morn, den waited for him to cor me once he's out. sucha sleepy pig, he cld book out aldy, but doze off (for very long!) till the afternoon! it made matter worse wen it started pouring hur? lol.. *nice weather to zzz* i called him upteem times b4 he finally answered, lol...*faint* i tink he slept a total of 16 hrs! :p

the plan to had breakfast, became not a lunch, but high tea! muahah~ cos it was aldy 3-4 wen we met :) headed to Bugis' Sakae Sushi *yum yum* sucha long time since we had Sakae! hehe. no plans in mind, happen to hav an impromptu dinner wif his fam & relatives. headed to Far East Square for dinner :):) we were quite full in fact (cos of the late lunch, lol) but still, de dinner was gr8. i love the crayfish! hehe..

after tt sumptuous dinner, we walked ard Tanjong Pagar cum Amoy St area to scout.. cos they're intending to do their own biz! there was an area that was selling/renting, and they were discussing bout the biz etc. how cool! hehe. i hope it works out :):)

sent my boy's mum & his aunt home, den we headed to Holland V to meet Chan & co @ Essential Brew. 2nd time i've been thr, but nothin fancy me yet :) i tink the other coffee joints r a tad better, hmm. anyway, thanks Crane for giving me the free VIP membership! *appreciated* :) it was a fun nite out, chilling there wif the same cranky gang of guys, lol. the stories of their sec sch happenings were ultra hilarious. it made me tink of the stupid times & acts i encountered in sec sch days too. lol.. funny wen u tink bout it now. how we've grown up hur? *smiles*

we left the place ard 1, and wen driving ard. shiok! lol. feelin the cool breeze, machiam im in malaysia! it always giv me the cameron-highlands feeling, wahaha. home sweet home ard3, dead beat aldy.. *tired*

we woke up the nex day feelin gr8, cos its only Saturday! hehe..din do much cos pretty broke. sigh, tok bout money will only shang gan qing! *sob* jus hope things wil get better..sigh. we walked ard aimlessly, wen to Eunos to see my new hse, then to the Car Mart and finally to Turf City - all to see cars, lol.

dinner was late as my boy was pretty full fr his McDonalds meal at 5pm! *faint* we makan @ Suntec's Joaquim Steamboat Buffet! the place where i've always wish to go..hehe. indeed, the food's good! *yum yum* we ate continously, and left with a bloated stomach! lol. i wan to go back there again, hehe :P

wen home earlier than usual tt day cos my boy had to wake up early on Sunday. my boy surfed the net, while i entertained myself wif.. Tom & Jerry Cartoon! heheheh.. it made my day :) i laughed and laughed and laughed. we watched togeda thereafter before going into dreamland:) hehe.. *grin*

Sunday, my boy wen for his soccer match. wanted to head to the library, but it only open the earliest @ 10am. so gave up the idea, and stayed back to slp, lol. only woke up @ 1130 wen he called me :/ hehe. woke up to study thereafter :) waited for him to get home b4 we wen for lunch! *hungry*

time past pretty fast as usual. we had a short walk @ Raffles City b4 bidding goodbye. it was a treasured gr8 long weekend :) wen will i get to enjoy 3 days wif u again? *ponders*

exam finally ended today. seriously, cant wait to get back to work tmr :) i need to work to feel alive, lol. wkend pls come quick :)

its only past one day, but i miss u so :) you're leaving, i'll miss u even so :) my heart's still wif u, precious :) i love you, baby :)

the tiring week

i feel as if im gonna flunk my papers nex wk :/ i cant seem to be able to study intensively.. *sigh* i wonder what am i going to tell my parents if i fail my paper, sob.

last wk was a tiring week.. trying to study+work+go out = tired! wkend was spent celebrating Ken's 22nd Birthday @ PS's Cafe Cartel :) time flies seriously, just last yr, we celebrated it @ Heeren's Sakae Sushi, now its already past 1 yr! =p how fast we grow! LOL...

had late supper+games @ Settler's Cafe wif my boy's cousins :)we waited pretty long despite our reservations! bad service, boohoo. we played Game of Life & jenga over the 2 hrs. tired, but enjoyable! hehe, all the laughs and screams, lol..

my boy sent them home, before we head home :) din do much on Sunday as we were both tired :/ jus enjoyed each other's company :)

he wen outfield the whole wk, just got back :) *i miss u* its the upcoming long wkend..but i've exams to worry bout, sigh~

*i hope you not only miss me when you're away, but that i am on ya mind every min every second :)its been many lonely nights without u. you're always in my thoughts :) i love u dearly =D*

Happy sweet one month Jolyn & Don :):):) & Congrats Sharrel in ya new r/s! hehe "dun find love, let love find you" rite? *grin* glad you're receiving the happiness of love now :):):)

tears in heaven

-tears in heaven-

my precious

back from a weekend i really treasure. *i miss u so much dearie*

Friday - i couldnt wait. the whole wk was a hell lot for me at work. after the Tuesday incident, another happen on Wednesday. bloody hell. sigh. met June after work to unwind. i was complaining n whining all the way. damn. nvm, i bought loads of stuff to relief stress! wahahah, wad an excuse! lol~

afterwhich i waited for my boy. tout they were preparing to book out already, but oops wrong info. :p *faint* waited for 2 hrs n took the last train home, lol. super tired after all the wait. worse, my boy's phone was off all the way! the moment i step into my hse, he called me! -.-" really no fate sia.

he came to pick me up afterwhich. so late by den, we had a quick supper then headed back to zzz :P after all the heat at work, tis wk was horribly tired :/ my boy had a bad week too, sigh, *hugs*

Saturday was short, making me treasure it even more :) watched Failure to Launch in the afternoon and had a short walk. my boy send me off then headed to 2 of his fren's birthday party =) wen shopping wif peiling @ Bugis thereafter *smiles* great time shopping n chilling out :)

my boy picked me up ard 1am den we head home :) *tight hug* Sunday - ordered kfc for lunch! hehe, my boy's craving, lol :) we decided to watch Ice Age thereafter, hehe. nice funny lame lame show! hehe. time pass pretty fast, my boy became so emotional again :/

him: most likely, i wun be able to come out for 2 wkends.
her: its ok, i understand.
him: but im worried bout u..
her: huh, worried bout? im still alive, dun worry! *tries to smile*
him: u muz take care of urself ok..
her: smile dear, dun worry :)
him: i cannot come out to see u, but u muz wait for me hor!
her: *smiles* no worries, i told u, we'll go thru thick n thin togeda rite?
him: dear i'll be missing u..
her: i'll miss u too. the more u say, the more sad i feel, dun say le lar, u see u makin me cry *tears*
him: what if i cry first..

-both him and her had tears-

before bidding goodbye:

him: one day if i win a million dollars.. guess wad is the first thg i'll do?
her: eh i dunno.. *first thought was to buy sth for his car, lol*
him: the first thg i'll do, is to marry u!
her: hehe really ar..? *smiles happily*

-life has been tough for both of us. seeing u so emotional n demoralise at times, i really feel helpless, noeing there's nothin much i can help u wif except to be by ur side. i jus wan to let u noe, no matter wad happens, u hav me who'll go thru thick n thin wif u :) its a promise, a lifetime promise we made to each other :) it was a pure simple conversation, but there's a smile in my heart, cos im happy noeing tt im part of ur life =) i love u, my precious one, the only one, dun give up on urself, i'll always be cheering for u :)-

the sad tuesday

it was a horrible Tuesday for me.

i get accused everytime for things i did not do/ not within my control. today tt arrogant guy flare up n scolded me like there's no tmr. he assumed tt i did not cor to check (wen i did) and assumed tt everythg i said to him were not correct information. wth.

because of all de emotions bottled up in me, i brokedown unexpectedly. i cried in front of my colleagues. who cares bout face at tt pt in time. i didnt ask my tears to flow, it jus did uncontrollably. it jus reminded me of the times at scb, hell experience equivalent. i tink i shocked everyone wif my tears. i felt so disgraceful. i cant even stand up for myself. no matter how angry i am, i cant possibly insist tt im right? cos tt guy is an ultra ego guy, and he is the one who writes my appraisal. how?! i dun wan to b backlisted like one of my colleague :/

exams are coming. i studied halfway, and just cried. im not sad bcos of exams, its the stress inside me. monday while tokin to my boy, him askin me how am i, i just brokedown and cry again. am i speechless or am i jus feelin lost? i dunno. the fear of failing exams, not doing well, its frightening me i guess.

one nite overheard wad my mum said, it sorta jus demoralise me (again). she told my sis tt she's waitin for her to sponsor her to xxx country for holiday. she prolly tout she cant rely on this spendthrift daughter of hers. i felt v unappreciated. no matter wad i do, it doesnt pls her. the heart hurts. i dun hav to save for her trip anymore.

at times, sucidal thoughts come into my mind. i dun seem to satisfy anyone, no one seems happy wif me. the worst happens wen even my boy isnt happy wif me. it makes me feel as if the whole world are filled wif aliens and im all alone to cope wif all this shits. i hate myself.

i try to forgive n forget. but wenever such unfair treatment comes along, it makes me doubt my presence at home. wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, study, sleep. the only consolation factor is prolly stayin over at my boy's plc over de wkend. at least i dun hav to face home 7 days a wk.

how well do they know their daughter? *cries*

-I miss you very much dear. Take care while you're outfield.. *Lost in thoughts*-

tis wk pass pretty fast i tink? with my boy being so busy in camp, and me being busy wif my sch stuff, time reali flies. its been a tiring wk for my boy, slpin less than 3 hrs a day! *faint* one of de days, he told me to wake him up at 3.45 am if i cld wake up! omg. i practically din slp de whole nite, fearin i wun b able to wake him up on time :/ his buddy is on MC thus no one to cor him man. as u noe, he's a sleepy pig! hehehe.. *jokes*

nth impt to announce.. but stil.. ahem.. im officially 21! hehehe.. havin mixed feelings tho. b4 i reached 21, always felt happy wenever i cel my b/day, cos im reachin adulthood soon! but now tt im 21, i feel ultra old! hahaha..and more responsibilities surfacing!

ok lar, dun tink too much for now =p met June and Angeline babe over the wk too. thanks for the dinner and gift :) really really very happy! *smiles* it was a good time catching wif 2 of them! its been how long since i met Angeline babe? 9 mths! LOL..frenship is not measured by distance or time yea? feelin happy for her too. she's going to Taiwan wif her boy in June after their exams! hehe *sweet sweet sweet*

thats June @ NYDC:


hehe:


Friday nite, my boy tried giving me a surprise, but it failed! lol.. he told me he couldnt book out, so cld only wish me Happy Birthday on the fone (which i was ok wif in fact). den i heard like those wind blowing while tokin to him, casually i ask him lar, where u now? he still wanna kp a secret and say he's in bunk, n tt his place v windy! LOL..

being the nice me, i didnt spoil his surprise ok! yeah he ended up appearing at the lobby of my plc and wish me happy Birthday :) hehehe. *smiles* it was a short one as it was late, but im really happy for tt. *thank u so much*

Saturday was erh... horrible to wake him up! wahahaha.. he took 3 hours to wake up manz! imagine i hang down de fone after him tellin me he's going to wash up aldy, den half an hr later, i realised he wen bk to slp! lol.. *ah bish*

my boy drove down to Wheelock and we had lunch @ Big O :) it was a simple Saturday, no specific celebration, but it was memorable :) watched Date Movie @ MS den did a bit of shopping! hehe, received my variable bonus liao =p come dinner time, we settled our hungry stomachs @ Wisma's Ding Tai Fung! *yummy* loves the xiao long bao so muchie!





hehehe~ our legs hurt quite a bit wif all the walkin in de noon, so we decided to not watch our 2nd movie. another day perhaps :) my boy drove to Kent Ridge Park thereafter to romantic-romantic, LOL! nice cosy place =) heh.



the later part of the nite was spent supper-ing wif ah mou n piggy :) had de usual prata and wen driving ard lookin at big houses n beautiful cars! =p so shiok! lol. superb tired de moment we got home. check my mail for any sch updates, den off we wen to dreamland. my boy told me he's so tired he dun even feel like bathing! lol.

*tired tired tired* got up ard 11 on Sunday. back hurts! did some misc stuff, lazed ard, feelin so lazy! lol. we wen out late noon, back to the house we viewed last nite! it was too dark last nite, so wen again to check it out! muahahah~ had dinner @ PS's foodcourt. my boy n i were aiming to eat de same food! *corny* i told him, b4 we left hse, i aldy had in mind eating xxx. den at the carpark he told me "hey later we go eat xxx la?" heh, the telepathy still works! LOL.

very tired back home. lotsa things to do in fact but no motivation :/ sigh, hopeless me! my boy's gonna be very busy till mid may, sob! expecting some wkends to be burnt liao, hugs. we're gonna get new couple specs next month! wahahha. not exactly 'couple specs' but rather the same outlook? aiyah, dunno how to describe, but liao den show! hehehe... *excited*

its gonna be another hell wk of work! anyway, wishes for the 2 couples hu just got together! heh. sweet sweet sweet :):):) enjoy the joy love can bring u! *smiles*

bah, my com has officially died. totally cant work, sad.i am so dead wif all my assignment deadline. sigh sigh...sad :/

MIA!

heh birthday pictures :)

okie im back :) hehe. thank u all for coming to my 21st birthday party =) the pictures expresses all joy yah? hehe.

oh yea, i finally hav a brand new scanner, so tadah!the love message tt appeared on New Paper on Valentines Day! hehe, so happy to see it =)



heh..with the balloons my boy bought :) my fav pooh bear! hehe



the outlook of the chalet:


with jinwei and ah mou :)


with leng leng, brenda, jolin & janis :)


with my parents :)


with claire and aloy :)


with yao kun and meijun :)


with farhan, jeff and christian :)


with ah chan and peg :)


with joyce, cj, lihe and ro :)


with jolyn and don :)


with peiling and candy :)


with the guys hu came so late! hehe :P


hehe a picture of fun laughter n joy :P


hehe the key tiramisu birthday cake. my boy melted my heart wen he chose to play "Tong Hua" before the birthday song was sang :P it was a song tt signify our love, he told me "its ok if they dunno wad it means, as long as u noe, its for u" *melt melt melt* LOL.. touched but i control, cannot cry! too many ppl liao! *grin*



-ok i lazy to post the rest taken togeda wif de bdae cake liao-

Photos of my 21st birthday can be taken @:

http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jacpiggie/my_photos

Cheers~

thank you everyone, for ur gifts, and most imptly ur presence :) really appreciate it a lot :) thank u mum n dad, n my boy too, for helping out in everythg to make sure all goes well :) *smiles*

-ah, my speaker suddenly choose to have sound today! lol.. its been so muted for a few mths n i couldnt find out wads wrong wif it. but today it finally worked! can play "tong hua" le! muahahah-

the updated one :)

(written @ work again, hee)

Gawd..my body aches.. I need a massage..! lol.. been feelin very lethargic these weeks. Going for lectures, rushing out assignments blah blah. Its reali torturing on my health! Days wen I hav lectures, by the time I get home its already 11+! And I actually 'took a rest' during lectures, lol. Too tired, so I doze off for awhile..hehe.

Tis term is really bad. I really cant understand wad the lecturer is saying! Save me. He toks like a bullet train, I cld only catch like 50%? Hai. My fren feedback tt to him, askin him to slow down, guess wad he said? 'oh that is not possible. Askin me to slow down is like askin me to stand wif one leg'. Wa lau,.. ok lor. His lessons are also very draggy.. sigh sigh.

These tiredness have made me lose some of my memory. Brain cells are dying.. seriously cant recall wad I’ve been doin lately. Using the pictures I took to recap now..

Taking wif de beautiful flowers my boy gave me for V-day:



Bah. He was late, and I cld feel de unhappiness in me. Msged him..and he stil replied me in a very nice manner = very unlike him! So wen I finally met up wif him, he took out de bouquet of flowers wif de cute little bear that goes “'mmwahhh I love u I love u'. gee, in the car, he told me he was late bcos he wen to get flowers + the florist took her own time to arrange! Lol.. he said 'I had to put down my ego and still msg u nicely lor..'bah. I waited for 1hr+ for him, of cuz will be a little unhappy rite! Ok la, but his reason is accepted:):):) thank you for the beautiful flowers baby~

Oh well, but good things always come to an end. I rem we had a heated argument thereafter in the afternoon. Sigh. What for gimme flowers wen things r still going wrong..hai. took quite a long time to tok it out calmly. I tink we spent de whole Saturday brooding on it. Ever since he entered this unit, de stress level increase and more easily short-termpered. –hugs- I hope things like this wun happen again. Hai. He told me 'sorry to imprint such sad memories into your life. But they’ll remain as memories, good to be forgotten cos it wun happen le. Never ever..baby u mean a great deal to me, I dun wanna lose u. hope u still love me, cos im always loving u. so many things I wanna tell u, so little time, im sorry for putting u thru this hardship, it’ll be over soon'.

We wen out after tt, but I cant rem where. Spent de nite at my boy’s place before we headed to Raffles City for coffee on Sunday. Hee, took some funny pictures:

his va actress, jeanette aw! hehe..


aint he lucky to have 3 pretty ladies hehe..




Celebrated my mum’s birthday on one of de Saturdays too. It’s a tradition in my family to have a meal togeda, den on de actual day cake-cutting =) dinner was @ Marina Square’s Pariss Buffet! Hee, first time there, so very excited :p the food there is pretty good, esp if you enjoy eating oyster.. salmon etc. it’ll be value for money eh.

My boy picked me up for breakfast on Sunday on de way back fr camp. It was a short day as he was feelin tired. So nothing much about tt day.. –hugs-

some shots taken, thanks to IG:







our fav pic:


jus before leaving:


the love renewal (?):


Happy (very) belated anniversary baby!

We din exactly countdown to the day, but we were by each other’s side tt nite:)

Finally.. I could present to him the scrapbook I’ve been workin on for the past year. Everytime very tempted to show him lor. Den wen I buy those materials, I also cant tell him wad is it for.. so xin ku to keep a surprise! But I tink this the first time I succeeded to make it a surprise! Hehe. De rest.. all he found out earlier.. not fair~

Some snapshots of the scrapbook:













Had a very simple celebration. We woke up early to makan @ Suntec’s Porridge Buffet! Very yummy n cheap! Hehe. Caught the movie ‘Rumour Has It’ too..nice touching show, hehe :p din had much time togeda, but it was a lovely day to remember :p love you.

last wkend was spent @ my boy's fren's birthday party. Happy 21st Birthday Meijun! :p so many March babies! hehe.. :D

You make me love you more and more each day. time is short, I’ll treasure every moment I have with you. I wish tis fairytale wil nv end.. but I feel a bad hunch,. few nites ago, I dreamt of bad things happening to us, like history of my past r/s happening to tis as well, gosh. Hopefully, its just my crazy thoughts running again.. we'll still go thru thick n thin wif each other :) love u as much as u love me :D

the long entry

long time since i penned down a detailed entry *lazy* gee. oh well, my life aint tt exciting anyway hur. ha.

Valentines Day just passed in the blink of an eye. Happy Belated Valentines Day To All! hehe :p hope u'all had a fab one, wif ur love ones :) It can be Friendship Day, Lovers Day or Family Day hur? heh. very pleased to see the Loveline Advertisement on New Paper too :) *smiles*

Valentines Day fell on a wkday so my boy and i celebrated de wkend in advance. It was a very simple day as we din reali make any specific plans. jus a dinner @ Manhattan Fish Market, afterwhich we headed to the Esplanade for Hot Brownie w/ice cream @ Black Angus. It was also the last day of CNY, thus managed to catch the fireworks! hehe :p might sound abnormal, but i simply love the outlook of fireworks, lol. the colourful lights depict hope for me. colourful fireworks = colourful life we'll have. muahaha...*lame*

i was on leave on Monday, tryin to settle a lot of my sch stuff but end up din reali accomplish a lot, sigh. feelin quite down wif my stupid studies in fact, but cant do much to it. some things r not reali going well and its reali depressing noeing bout some things. some things i dun understand, yet i've to force myself to understand. for the sake of wad? i dunno. some pt of time, i wish i cld jus stop studyin n relax my mind. *sigh*

the week at work was pretty ok. spent some time doin my assignment. hav to liase wif my project mates for some assignment too. wonder how we're gonna squeeze thru our so-limited time. now tt my com is sorta screwed up, i dunno how the hell am i gonna do my work too :( my brother aint a least helpful. im stuck wif tis dumbo com which a lot of things n programs i dun hav. and no one in my family bothers la, cos they hav their own com to start wif. crap.

nothin much to look fwd to tis yr i feel. hopefully a tentative Bangkok trip is coming along the way mid tis yr. my boy ask me if i wanna go togeda wif his frens + gf. i hav a bad hunch bout work by mid yr cos my colleague is going on maternity leave = work all left for me to do. crap.

times wen im feelin so upset, so depressed, so torn apart, there's no one except tis blog tt i can turn to. so ironic, but its true. we had some disturbances recently, quarrels that led to a lot of tears. i hav no idea how tis letter came bout, whether it is bcos my boy felt bad, or wadever wadever reasons there might be. It touched me indeed. but is it good or bad? being touched = becoming more soft hearted. he wrote:

My Dearest Xinyi,

Surprised I called you that? This letter was actually meant to be written in Chinese, but CMI, every 2 characters I would forget how to write one of them =p

As the lecture goes on, slowly eating the time I could have spent with you on Valentines Day! I yearn to celebrate such an occasion with you. Furthermore, it could have been our first together. Reflecting back, I realised I havent been good to you in the sense of adding some spice or romance into our r/s. It feels sucky inside me.

Ever since the night I poured out my heartfelt worries & sadness to you, I felt less worrying about things of the future. There's more in life out there. Like making you happy, seeing my family stay healthy: makes me happy. It really hit me in the face that I am owing you a lot of debt, emotional debt. Love and romance shoudl always be present no matter how far apart we are or how long we're together. I know I should put in more effort to make up for this. My only explanation for now is Combat E is really taking a toll on my energy and even health.

I understand your insecurities and the unstable future you worry about. Sometimes I feel helpless. But baby, I'm cracking my head for my future career so as to better provide for you, for us and our family.

Sometimes my decisions may seem to display a disadvantage or something you would not be happy about, its because I have things to consider. Wait for me k dearest? Wait till I commission and things get settled down, I promise things will be better, if it doesnt, I will make it better. I love you baobei, i miss you.

Loving you always,

Wilson

the words he wrote made me cry. deep in my heart, i hope every single word is true :) i feel a shaky r/s emerging, but deep inside, i hope im wrong. or perhaps im jus living in self-denial? ha. time will show everything.. *ponders* i get quite upset wen frens come into the picture of our quarrels. 3rd party will never understand.. *cries*

the past few conversations i had wif a fren made me question bout myself. she had some disputes wif a fren whom she knew yrs ago. trust was the problem. some misunderstanding happen between dem i tink. friendship can be so fragile. she made a remark "even tho i know u later than them, i tink you're a better fren than them and i feel you're more trustworthy. you're always there for your frens". is that true? i noe myself, its a clear no.

i try to be there for them, but i've my own personal life too. once in awhile i'll jus drop one or two sms-es askin bout their well-being :) it makes me happy noeing that the pple ard me are doing good *smiles* pple change - ive leanrt tt thru my 3 yrs in poly. do wad u tink is right, but dun expect ppl to treat u de same good way too.

den days after, she had some problem wif her r/s. as usual, me being a thrid party, i can nv understand what they're going thru so ive no say either. thereafter, she commented: "i wish i was at least half like you. you're nice to pple & you seem to be so easily contented. i can nv hav a r/s like you". i tink the first person hu'll object to tt sentence will be my boy, lol.

i am neither nice, nor easily contented! lol.. i jus wan to treasure the good things tt hav come into my life right now. who noes wen god is going to tk them away fr me? i dun even noe if my current r/s can work out well, its a risk tt we all take, we have a choice, but often, we put ourself into such vulnerable position tt our heart speak more than our mind :/ nothin is certain, i wan to be happy wif my current situation :) i just got back my previous modules project marks and am very satisfied wif it :D First Class isnt easy to get; its definitely a boost to my morale and i hope i can do the same for my future modules :) Thank you teacher.

*the body of our r/s is shaky, but the root is still firm. our love is strong (i hope). i dunno how else to help, if you dun help urself, no one will be able to. stay strong my dear. be more determined and dun fall. even if you fall, i'll be there to catch you :) my heart still beats for you and i hope its the same for you too. thank u for the flowers, its really lovely*

another one more year and 3 months.. its getting unbearable..

our thoughts

i saw him tear the second time..*sigh*

we had a heart-to-heart talk last nite. he had many thoughts on his mind, many worries.

the past 2wks, he has been sending me some 'unique' sms-es. Unique as in words he dun usually say, and not reali 'like him' to say it.

"you're my motivation to succeed in tis course and in life. im determined to complete this course. thanks for the encouragement & support. i love u so much to lose u, dun ever leave me.im here for today, tmr and the future always.."

"i dun wan anythg to be in between us. im happy doin things for u and wanna spend as much time wif u as possible. after the 2 yrs,i'll leave the status as a boyfriend and become ur husband!i wan u to witness the good that will come into our r/s in future:)"

"you're on my mind everywhere i go..been tinkin a lot financially, parents health n ur well being..so many things happening here makin me wanna giv up. but wad drives me to hold on is my parents & ur support."

i guess he's been tinkin quite a lot, till he sorta 'brokedown' n tear last nite. extra burden is on him takin into account de fact tt he's de only child. he feels bad tt at sucha age, his parents r still workin for him, and he cant provide dem wif much. :/ *sigh*

stuff in army arent going too good too. my boy has completed his course n is back at de horrible place till June. thoughts of giving up came into him. he felt tt if he cld opt for a 8-5 job, he wld be able to spend more time wif his parents, more imptly his mum. *cries*

he worries for them, his studies, and our r/s. determined to study, yet worried bout the fees etc. then he's afraid of not being able to make me happy. *double sigh* and silly me, after hearing all his worries, i asked him a stupid question "am i being a burden to u.."?

i tink i feel at fault seeing him so vexed wif stuff yet i cant lift a helpin hand, thus tt question came to my mind. *sorry dearest* time n again, he consoled me n gave me assurance, yet i dunno why i hav such thoughts. our "we'll go through thick n thin together" still stands :)

i cant wait for the arrival of June - "it'll be the proudest moment of my life to my parents and you".

as we were talking, my constant stomach pain was unbearable. its been quite frequent recently, n its always at nite. *sigh* some nites, i wonder, wad if one day i kena some deadly sickness, den hu is going to tk care of my parents oso? *cries* its scary tinkin of it, but death is still unavoidable regardless of age :/ seein my brother 'directionless', and my sis aint reali working, i feel a heavy load on my shoulders. whats worse, i hav my studies to be concern bout. sigh.

instances wen i feel so stressed out, touts of giving up came into my mind too. i try to appear that im coping well, for fear that they'll worry unduly, but sometimes, i feel the 'breaking-down' stage too. i hope i wun disappoint them. it'll be the proudest moment for my family and my boy too :)

*stay strong my love. thats wad u always tel me rite? we'll overcome everything togeda okie?:) i hope im reali not a burden to you. i wan to see u happy, as much as u wan to see me happy :) love u*

shang xin

hao shang xin. hao xin tong.

the new year

(updates for the cny & the wkend)

1 week has passed since de commenement of the CNY. meaning.. no more holidays till April! how sad! =(

Like every other yr, first day of the CNY was spent mostly at my father's side. At nite, my boy came to pick me up and i'd dinner @ his granny's plc. Everyone was there so it was a huge crowd, heh. It was a gambling nite as usual, lol. My boy was bz watchin his soccer, so i played on behalf of him, lol.

He dozed off as usual, and wen he woke up, i won 60 bucks liao! heh. before that, we were losing quite huge sum of $$ cos he was forced to be de banker! :/ I learnt a new game called "In Between" tho. fun! hehe. interesting~ we stayed till bout 2 b4 we cmi, lol.. busy playin so no photos! i muz say, gambling is getting more fun! LOL~

2nd day of CNY was spent visiting my mum's side. cool, my uncle changed car again! hehe.. now can fit 2 big families :) my boy came over in de evening and stayed for dinner. he had a late sumptuous Sakae Sushi lunch wif his frens b4 tt so wasnt too hungry, ahha. can see his tummy growing liao, hee.

we left only after all my relatives wen bk :) watched Fearless @ Marina Sq. nice show but my eyes hurt de whole movie cos of my lens, sob! been wearin it too long :/

anyway, i wanna complain. my parents + aunties gave him de same amt as dey gave me! hur. not fair rite? hmph~

my boy picked me up on de 3rd day of CNY. hehe wen his place to pai nian first. i muz say, my boy's mum looked gr8 in red! hehe~ stunning :) another ang pao from her! hehe *grin* send his mum to his grand uncle's plc after tt. wooh, condo @ Simei! finally, a East resident! heh. we headed to Chnagi Airport thereafter for ice-cream! lol.

the greedy him:


he surprised me wif tis cute flower saying "specially for you", hehe:


the 2 of us @ Changi Airport:


after tt full meal, we drove bk to his uncle's plc, for gambling, again! lol.. seriously, his cousins r quite mad! especially de small ones! only like in primary sch? and they're mad over gambling ok! ask dem to be banker dey also refuse! so clever! heh.

we played all de way from 4, and no one wanna leave their seat even for dinner! faint~ kena chased out, lol..

some snapshots taken by my boy @ de condo's function room:




the 2 Js:


at de playground:


aww, he's so handsome rite? *cutie* hehe:


Candice & me:


de naughty kids:




you and me:




after dinner, we came back for more gambling! lol.. lost a small sum of $ tis time, sad! :( and my boy's mum say i was so 'mad' that day, screaming to place bets, lol! =p a nite of superb fun! too bad, work de nex day! sian!

*Birthday wishes to Yijun & Angeline who turns 21 and 22 respectively, heh. May ya dreams come true, and may happiness be wif ya always! Cheers!*

PS. Thanks to ah mou for resizing the pics for me! hehe :p

-It was a nice new year, love you dearest. the flowers are really pretty :)-

the wkend was fast over as usual. i attended one of de Fengshui talk, courtesy of my sch (free entry!). it was a very interesting talk :) call me superstitious, i just wan to avoid bad luck as much as if its within my control. do sth better than regret ltr ya? as ive heard bout it, de luck for ox in 06 aint very good. be it work, sch or r/s, all quite bad. managed to hear for my boy's family as well as my family :) and so i spend my wkend lookin ard for fengshui items, hee. my boy bought me a Mandarin Duck rose quartz crystal for v-day :) hehe. find it quite cute ;p thank u so much =D

we also catched "Fun with Dick & Jane" @ PS. wooh, full house! hmm, i still prefer Cheaper by the Dozen to tis show tho.

Sunday was 'slacking' day. not for yesterday tho, hee. after a good rest, we headed to town for some 'walking'. supposedly starting bk my dance class tis Wed, but after much consideration, my boy told me not to..:( cos of its ooh lu location, sad. he wanted me to wait a few mths ltr, whr he can drive me to the class instead, in a way safer. so now, Wed is free! ha. ok la, i'll look at it as more time for study + leisure :)

projects deadline nearing anyway. sian ah~

-take care my dearest. dun fear for the battle, be strong alrite? in your heart, you noe im still here supporting u mentally yah? love u!-